Life is a Lemon and I Want My Money Back
by Kasey
Summary: [SONGFIC] it's almost entirely quotes from the series, arranged to fit the lyrics. Responses are appreciated.


this is a Gundam Wing fanfiction.  
  
Hint!!!: If you've never heard this song before, find it and listen to it! It's especially great if you read the fic while listening to the song.  
  
Idiom Alert: There is absolutely -NO- lemon whatsoever, in this fic!! "Lemon" refers to something gone sour, bad, not worthwhile, etc. I think it's a pretty common American idiom, but I'm saying this just in case someone out there has never heard it before.  
  
Disclaimers: "Life is a Lemon and I Want My Money Back" was written by Jim Steinman, copyright 1993. This version is on the "Meat Loaf: Bat Out of Hell II (Back into Hell)" CD. I own no part of Gundam Wing.  
  
Warnings: Angst. --Read the lyrics carefully!!--  
  
Kindly do not archive this *anywhere*. Comments, reviews, critiques, and questions are appreciated. Thank you!  
  
---  
  
Wufei rushes to the New Edwards base. Too late. A flight model Gundam sweeps through the air. His hand is on the communicator button, but he can't speak. The thermal-energy saber slices the transport neatly in half. Blinding light. Too, too late.  
  
---  
It's all or nothing  
And nothing's all I ever get  
Everytime I turn it on  
I burn it up and burn it out  
---  
  
"What do you mean?"  
"You just killed the Federation's pacifists!"  
Heero switches on the the video-screen in time to hear General Septum's rage.  
No. Impossible. No!!  
  
---  
It's always something  
There's always something going wrong  
That's the only guarantee  
That's what this is all about  
---  
  
"We are now prepared to stage an all-out missile attack on the colonies."  
They're bluffing with the colonies.  
They can't. They wouldn't. Oz would never... Would they?  
"Fire a missile now! I don't care where."  
"I repeat; I surrender, but I will not give up the Gundams!"  
"Mission accepted."  
  
---  
It's a never ending attack  
Everything's a lie and that's a fact  
Life is a lemon and I want my money back!  
---  
  
"The Gundam pilot is just a little boy?"  
He killed himself for the colonies.  
Without a second thought.  
The pain!!  
  
---  
And all the morons  
And all the stooges with their coins  
They're the ones who make the rules  
It's not a game--it's just a route  
---  
  
"I'm sorry. I should not have planned an attack on the colonies by myself."  
What's done is done.  
"Well, that's all water under the bridge, now."  
Is there any use in crying over spilled blood?  
  
---  
There's desperation  
There's desperation in the air  
It leaves a stain on all your clothes  
And no detergent gets it out  
---  
  
Wufei stares at his pristine white silk.  
It's been through so many battles.  
Yet Treize refused to cut open the egg-white shell.  
He rots from the inside out.  
Will it ever be covered in his own blood?  
  
---  
And we're always slipping thru the cracks  
Then the movie's over--fade to black  
Life is a lemon and I want my money back!  
---  
  
Trowa watches as Catherine releases the knife. It's going to hit him.  
  
"Trowa...I'm so sorry! Please forgive me."  
"I told you. This is my job."  
  
---  
I want my money back  
---  
  
"This isn't a game!"  
"Of course not. This is a war, isn't it?"  
  
---  
I want my money back  
---  
  
"I wonder how long I'll be able to see the moon like this."  
Solo would have loved to see this.  
"What's that guy doin' right now? I wonder..."  
I'd pay to see this again.  
"I'll bet that guy never even looks at the moon."  
But I want to go back. I want to go back!  
  
---  
What about love?  
It's defective!  
It's always breaking in half  
---  
  
A small child is thrown from an explosion. He cries.  
  
A short distance away, a young girl regains consciousness. She drags herself to her feet, and stumbles away to search for her parents.  
  
In a ditch, the life ebbs from two bodies.  
  
---  
What about sex?  
It's defective!  
It's never built to really last  
---  
  
"I don't want to get married!"  
"It's the will of the clan."  
Irritation. Disgust.  
No. If it is the will of the clan, it must be so.  
  
---  
What about your family?  
It's defective!  
All the batteries are shot  
---  
  
"Why did you run away?"  
"I had to. I have to fight in order to end this war."  
"Well, has it ended? Fighting will solve nothing, Quatre! Why can't you understand?"  
Can't you see that I love you?  
I don't want anything to happen to you...  
  
---  
What about your friends?  
They're defective!  
All the parts are out of stock  
---  
  
"Hey, I brought yours up, too!" Duo looks behind him.  
Heero grunts in pain as he shifts the bone in his leg.  
Duo's stomach roils. "Ungh...I don't know how much more of this I can take!"  
Heero walks to the base of the crane that has lifted his Gundam. He will not limp. It has only just begun.  
  
---  
What about hope?  
It's defective!  
It's corroded and decayed  
---  
  
"Now I have nothing left to protect."  
  
"We can't fight while Oz is using the colonies as a shield."  
  
"Unfortunately, there was no future for me to choose from."  
  
"I must not give up hope."  
  
---  
What about faith?  
It's defective!  
It's tattered and it's frayed  
---  
  
"If anyone can do it, that guy can!"  
"I want to brag that I knew Heero Yuy, the boy who saved us."  
The timer counts four seconds left before the explosion. Three. Two. It's dead. The base is saved.  
When will my luck run out?  
  
---  
What about your Gods?  
They're defective!  
The forgot the warranty  
---  
  
"God doesn't exist."  
  
"Please denounce me, Nataku."  
  
"You could be a God."  
  
"I don't believe in God."  
  
---  
What about your town?  
It's defective!  
It's a dead end street to me  
---  
  
Zechs Merquise walks through the halls of the Canque Kingdom. Dust and ash are everywhere.  
This place is dead.  
"Father, forgive your son."  
Tattered scraps of russet curtains are piled on the floor on either side of an untouched portrait. Russet. The color of old blood.  
"My hands are too stained with blood."  
I will mark all those I touch.  
"I am completely unfit to lead the Peacecraft monarchy."  
I was never meant to rule. My purpose is to fight. And die.  
  
---  
What about your school?  
It's defective!  
It's a pack of useless lies  
---  
  
"Just as I thought. All files on Heero Yuy have been deleted."  
Oz' methods haven't changed one bit.  
If no one learns of him, he never existed.  
  
---  
What about your work?  
It's defective!  
It's a crock and then you die  
---  
  
"Please deliver the proper stats to headquarters."  
  
"I wanted to see how this suit held up..."  
  
"Take that, you monster!"  
  
"Long live King Zechs!"  
  
"Long live Treize Kushrenada!"  
  
---  
What about your childhood?  
It's defective!  
It's dead and buried in the past  
---  
  
"What's this design?"  
"A mask. Build it."  
  
Her hand falls away. Duo can see the life drain from her, floating away. Gone. He's alone again.  
  
"Are you lost?"  
"I've always been lost."  
  
"Meiran, I...Meiran? Meiran?!"  
  
He slowly crushes the small transmitter between his hands. He drops it. The cross comes next. Midii watches, and slowly walks away. When her back is turned, he, too, turns and leaves.  
  
"Twenty-seven sisters? So...why me? Why am I here?!"  
  
---  
What about your future?  
It's defective!  
And you can shove it up your ass! Yaaaaaahhh!!!!  
---  
  
"Well, I'm off to my own battle ground."  
  
Heero steps out of his Gundam. He can feel the eyes of both Tallgeese and it's pilot as they see him for the first time. "Mission accepted."  
  
"Come with me, on my journey into Hell!!"  
  
"Good people are crying, and nobody understands them. Oz. I won't let you forget this day!"  
  
"Aren't you thinking a bit too little of yourself, Trowa? What about the rest of us? Didn't you think of us? We'd be left here to mourn. How could you even think of such a thing?! You're the most pathetic person I've ever met."  
  
"Treize...I won't let it end like this! Treize! Noooooo!"  
  
---  
I want my money back  
---  
  
"Don't die. Keep fighting and prolong your life, kid."  
  
---  
I want my money back  
---  
  
"You're the heir to the Winner family? One of the few influential and powerful families left in the Eastern nations?"  
If only it were that simple.  
"Yes."  
"No wonder everybody looks up to you!"  
If only they didn't.  
"My name is Duo. Duo Maxwell. I may run and hide, but I never tell a lie!"  
What a liar I am!  
  
---  
It's all or nothing  
And nothing's all I ever get  
Every time I turn it on  
I burn it up and burn it out  
---  
  
"You and I both know that this battle will not end until I am dead."  
  
---  
It's a never ending attack  
Everything's a lie and that's a fact  
Life is a lemon and I want my money back!  
---  
  
"His death. He's begging for his death!"  
"The five of us have become nothing more than redundant soldiers, Quatre."  
  
"The colonies shouldn't be fighting. I should be the only one who has to suffer as much as I did."  
  
"You're just taking the easy way out!"  
"It's the only way I know how."  
  
---  
And we're always slipping thru the cracks  
Then the movie's over--fade to black  
Life is a lemon and I want my money back.  
---  
  
"You're afraid of dying, aren't you guys? In that case, you shouldn't be fighting at all!"  
"Tell the others. Tell them to stay away from me. Didn't you hear me? I told you to stay away from me!!"  
  
"I can no longer fight with Nataku."  
"Master Long!! Noooo!!"  
All of them...gone...  
  
---  
Back...  
---  
  
"Come back to me soon, Zechs... Or Oz will allow worthless actions by worthless people."  
  
---  
Back...!  
---  
  
"And when this is done, I go back to space!"  
  
---  
Back...!!  
---  
  
"You're a soldier, too, aren't you? Aren't you supposed to go back with them?"  
"For me, this war is over."  
This war was over before it began.  
  
---  
BAAAAAAACK!!!  
---  
  
"Just let me stay here, by your side."  
  
"There's no turning back now."  
  
"If everything else has gone crazy, I'll believe in myself and keep fighting."  
  
"Let's do it!"  
  
"You'd protect me, Heero?"  
  
"This would never have happened if we'd been at Oz fifteen years ago."  
  
"Wars begin with people, and they end with people."  
  
"And you think that will atone for your sins?"  
  
"I've defied death a number of times until now."  
  
"I'll be true to my own sense of integrity!"  
  
"What if all of this...what if pacifism...really is just a dream?"  
  
---  
Life is a lemon and I want my money back!  
---  
  
"I will survive!!"  
  
---  
---  
  



End file.
